Emails you receive...Don't some of them make you laugh?

I was deleting my email Inbox, when I came across a few emails from people I know that just made me laugh. I have no idea where these originate from, but we all get them. Some of us get them at later dates and pass them on to others as "Hot off the Press" news. I am going to share some with you...

Archaeology

Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 yards last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.

One week later, The 'Newport Daily Independent', a local newspaper in Arkansas reported the following:

'After digging as deep as 30 yards in cotton fields near Jacksonport in Jackson County, Bubba Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Arkansas had already gone wireless.'


Scary Warning!

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan , Taliban Minister of migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States……that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America 's supply of convenience store managers, and candidates for President of the United States .

And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell and AOL customer service reps., then Motel 6 managers.

It's getting ugly...........


Then there is this one...

Thanks!

I want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose. (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

And don't forget.....lemons!!!! Don't get them in your drinks (if they still have the peel). Dirty hands are everywhere!!!!

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom. Yuck!

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with e very envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains and take the paint right off of you car.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites me.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by someone waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.!

Have a wonderful day....

Oh, by the way......

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail wit h their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.